Women have been brutalized, beaten, given inferior pay for billions of years. In fact, one could say it has become a way of earth civilization, but alas, it is the wrong way. Evolution is a lie, and God was a lie too (Obviously, a woman must have been made from more than a rib) because gosh darn it, women need equality, and I, Chivalrous Tart will present my five point plan.
1. GET RID OF DIFFERENT SEX CHANGING ROOMS!
Changing rooms are sexist pigs. True equality knows no bounds. What is the largest physical difference between men and women? Women have a gaping shot gun wound inbetween their legs and a few pounds of bagged fat protruding from their chest. Men have a dangling sword of justice jutting from in between their legs and facial hair. These filthy changing rooms blow up these differences to the point where rape becomes common place (ZOMG, CHANGING ROOMS CAUSE RAPE!) Knock down these walls of intolerance and promote equality!
2. MEN AND WOMEN SHOULD ARGUE ABOUT WHO OPENS DOORS!
In the backwards, chauvinistic civilization we live in, men are expected to hoist open doors for women. This is degrading to all females across the spectrum. A women wants to open her own door, because she wants to show how independent she is, yet men, want to show his masculine prowess for pushing objects on hinges. How do we compromise? Whenever a male and female approach a door, there should be an abrupt eruption of violence (Possibly physical but most definitely mentally scarring).
3. MEN SHOULD GIVE BIRTH TO THE OFFSPRING
This one bothers me the most. Women shouldn't expect to go through the pains of childbirth. It is dehumanizing and worse than Hitler. A husband and wife, three months into the pregnancy should play a game of rock, papers, and scissors. From here, if the man wins, childbirth proceeds without modification. If the women wins, her womb will be incised from her abdomen, and physically implanted into the man. The man's phallus of justice will be widen for the exit of the new born child.
4. BATHROOMS ARE SEXIST!
Is a man's shit, and a woman's feces really all that different? Couldn't the porcelain seat of justice intake both a masculine and feminin poop? Why is there all this hate? The pain a woman experiences from not being able to use a urinal is one that tears at the fabric of our culture, and it will go unheard of no more!
5. WOMEN SHOULD BE PLACED ON THE FRONTLINE OF EVERY BATTLE TO ENHANCE MORAL!
Women should be allowed in the armies but only on the front line. Everyone knows that a women's wit and reflexes are better than the average man's, so a woman should be expected to be at the forefront of every, single war. Besides, nothing inspires a countries' rage more than photos of dead females.
YAH FOR TRUE EQUALITY! NONE OF THIS FEMINIST BULLSHIT!
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