CATCH THE PERFECT MAN, TODAY!

Cornering, trapping, and mating with your knight in shining armor can be a difficult and sometimes tedious process, but with this no-nonsense guide, you can wangle that perfect stud TODAY!

1. GET BIGGER BREASTS!

Silicon in your mammary glands will always enhance the chances of catching the eyes of the perfect man. The best way to grab his attention is if you hit him in the face with your boob (FROM TWO FEET AWAY). He will find the experience enjoyable and terrifying! Your breast will be the size of bowling balls and will feel like them too!

2. STOP EATING!

Eat only enough to exist. Any more is an excess. You have to accentuate those child bearing hips, tiny waist, and medicine ball sized milk squirters! Also, if you get thin enough, you can look like a twelve year old boy, some guys love that! A man loves getting extra helpings, so the less you eat, the more of your portions he can have. He'll love you forever!

3. CHANGE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOURSELF TO SUIT HIM!

Any feminist who tells you individuality is important is a lying whore. She just wants all the dicks for herself. If you get a boyfriend, you should dress exactly like him, pick up his hobbies, and learn his schedule. A woman is only as good as she can serve her man! Without a husband, you become the cat woman who smells like kitty urine all the time!

4. LEARN TO GIVE REALLY GOOD HEAD!

Men love this! When your man finds out that you gave all of his friends blow jobs, on your knees, in the men's bathroom, while sobbing to yourself about low self-esteem, you will instantly gain his respect. He'll hear nothing but compliments from his buddies, and he'll probably pursue you to have a threesome with him and his best friend.

5. GET NAKED

Dudes love them birthday suits. That means you should try and be as naked as possible while around him. Also, stop wearing normal bras. You may consider those extra large wonder bras to enhance your already large orbitals of joys, or you could go the no bra route. Either work great, especially with your size DDDD silicon enhanced teats. You should consider wearing tight/short clothing whenever possible, because you never know when you may meet the man of your dreams.

P.S.

As you're wooing that perfect guy, you should find your local crack head and have him teach you how shank a bitch and get rid of that pesky body. Once you find guy of your dreams, you can dispose of him and take all of his money!