Too many recipes are too impersonal. I mean, you never know the cows or baby lambs you eat, so this recipe is here to satisfy that void of homliness. There's nothing better than a homegrown meal!
Part One: SAUTEED BELOVED PET!
1 OUNCE OF BELOVED GARLC POWDER
1 BELOVED STRIP OF BACON
1 BELOVED ONION
3 GRAMS OF TOMATOE SAUCE
½ PACK OF RAMEN
1 BELOVED HOUSE PLANT
1 BELOVED PET (dog or guinea pig, preferably. Cats are too bony, and their meows are heart breaking).
First add your beloved onion, tomato sauce, and pack of ramen into a bowl of oil. Bring to a boil for twenty minutes. You may want to be near an exit, because the excessive amount of grease may catch your house on fire.
Pre-heat your oven to four hundred degrees. Put your beloved pet in (IF IT WORKED FOR THE JEWS, IT'LL WORK FOR YOUR ANIMALS). You may want to have an iPod near by to play Justin Beiber music, as the screeching from your beloved pet, as it is burning alive, clawing at the oven as its fur catches on fire, may be too heart breaking for you (IF YOU'RE A SICK FUCK, YOU CAN FAP AND ADD IT TO THE SAUTEE MIX).
Once your animal stopS scratching, remove the pet, and put it in the bucket of grease. Stir regularly for twenty minutes, or until the ligaments holding the muscle to the bone dissolve. You should be able to see muscle and flesh floating around like living meat1 You can pluck the eye balls out, if you're attempting to reduce sodium content, as shown below.
It should look like this if you're doing it right.
You're almost done. Now, take out your favorite butcher knife and imagine the piece of meat is your ex-girl friends, current boyfriend's genitals! Cut that bugger up, and serve your dish on a nice porcelain plate. Add your beloved bacon and serve it to the children!
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